So i’m laying here in my sister’s bed, staying at my mum’s house.
And i feel stupidly lonely, not just because it’s the first night in about 9 months that I’ve slept alone.
Mostly because recently i’ve been all over the fucking place. One minute i’m fine and then just one tiny little thing will bring my mood down even just slightly and i’ll feel like bawling my eyes out. I feel so fucking pathetic.
I like being alone, but I hate the feeling of being lonely. When you’re alone, you have time for yourself. Your thoughts finally catch up to you. You set your mind on things and everything is just clearer. Nothing’s bothering you and everything just feels right for once. When you feel lonely, you feel as if no one’s there for you. It feels like no one understands you or is willing to listen. It feels like you’re screaming in a crowded room, yet not one person hears you.
(Source: dinhtheresa)
Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the world, it wasn’t the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me?
– Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via quote-book) Via Quote Book:Anonymous asked: are you happy?
Happy with what?
Actually, I’ll be honest…not really, no. I don’t think i’ve felt proper happiness for about 2 years now. Just substitute happiness, if that makes any sense. Sort of hollow happiness if any. But I am content most of the time. You know, when my head’s not being a crazy bitch. (MURH HURH i sound so dramatic. Woe is me.)
I did write something about how that made me feel.
But then I decided that it wouldn’t help anything. It’d make you feel worse. You’d want to talk to me about it, which i don’t want to do.
So i think i’ll just leave it.
